America Eats Its Young

Goodbye Microsoft Office?

The Funktapus — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 19:10:59 +0000

Google already offers a word processor and a spreadsheet solution in it’s Google Docs. One thing that’s been missing though is a replacement for Power Point. Buddies of mine in business, for better or worst, can’t live without Power Point. How else can they demonstrate the bleeding edge synergies of proposed deals? Well, rumor has it that Google is about to launch a Power Point replacement. Once this comes out, is there really any reason at all to keep that bloated copy of Office on your hard drive? Is there?

Power, Faith and Fantasy by Michael Oren

The Funktapus — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 20:03:57 +0000

The new book by Michael Oren hit the shelves today.

Here’s an review:
“For more than 230 years, the United States has intertwined itself with the Middle East. Starting in 1776 with the attacks by Barbary pirates on American ships and ending with a discussion of America’s current involvement in the region”

Neat!

The Funktapus — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 23:43:22 +0000

Paleontologists (or is it anthropologists in this case?) have unearthed the 3.3 million year old bones of an Australopithecus child in the Ethiopia, from the same species of human forebear as the famous Lucy unearthed decades ago in Africa. The skeleton, unlike Lucy, is apparently almost complete. Check it out at the Guardian .

Fossil hunters working in Ethiopia have unearthed the fragile bones of a baby ape-girl who lived 3.3m years ago, the earliest child ancestor discovered so far.

Named Selam, meaning “peace” in the country’s languages, the creature belongs to a species called Australopithecus afarensis, the same as Lucy, the famous adult female discovered in 1974 and believed to be a forebear of the human genus, Homo.

The fossilised remains reveal a critical moment in human evolution that saw our earliest relatives shaking off the legacy of ape ancestors to take their first tentative steps along a path that ultimately led to modern humans.

The remarkably complete skeleton’s lower half is almost perfectly adapted to walking upright, while the upper body is more primitive, with gorilla-like shoulderblades and curved chimpanzee-like fingers suited to clinging and climbing trees.

The intact skull and nearly full set of teeth show the large, pointy canines that distinguish apes from early humans have disappeared, leaving only substantial chewing teeth.

The discovery, reported in the journal Nature today, has delighted scientists who say it will help unravel some of the most pressing questions about how our earliest ancestors lived

But of course, it may LOOK like a human, but it’s really just an aborted experiment by God. He had a few attempts, you see, before he finally settled on the modern human body. I read it in my school science textbook! Honest! Evolution is a LIE!

This is so fucked up…

The Funktapus — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 22:54:28 +0000

There are rarely good reasons to shoot another human being (which is not to say there are none – pacifism is stupid), but one truly bad reason is over a custody dispute. Unfortunately, that’s what happened today in Tennessee – a large part of a 10 year old boy’s family was gunned down in front of him after a baseball game he had played in, in what is apparently a custody battle gone horribly, horribly awry .

A long-running child custody dispute erupted in gunfire after a 10-year-old boy’s baseball game, leaving three of his grandparents dead and his father wounded, officials said Tuesday.

The shooting began Monday night as players and families were making their way to the parking lot. When it stopped, one witness said he looked out and saw the boy standing among the bloody bodies of his family.

“Maybe he was in shock, I don’t know. He was walking around and it seemed he didn’t have an expression on his face,” said Wayne Treadway, treasurer of the South Jefferson County Little League.

Austin Shands’ paternal grandparents, Ellen E. “Sue” Shands, 62, and Jerry D. Shands, 63, both were killed. His father, Jerry B. “Brent” Shands, 39, was seriously wounded. And his maternal grandfather, Samuel L. Noe, 61, also was dead.

A gun was recovered, but authorities weren’t saying whom it belonged to or who fired it. They also refused to speculate about what happened in this mountain foothills community about 30 miles east of Knoxville.

Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Can you imagine watching your grandparents get gunned down in front of you as a child? My heart goes out to that kid for sure.

I have honestly never been less excited.

The Funktapus — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 22:37:00 +0000

What would be your reaction upon reading a headline like “Kevin Ferderline offers fans a chance to step into his shoes”? Would you be excited? Would your curiosity be only briefly piqued? Would you pay it no mind? Or would you run, run away, screaming? I sure know my reaction. (And in other news, Britney is a trashy ho – big surprise.)

Kevin Ferderline’s camp is going to some pretty extreme measures to ensure that the aspiring rapper’s debut CD flies off the shelves in music stores.

K-Fed’s PR people have come up with the idea to give away the sneakers he wore during his performance at this year’s Teen Choice Awards.

All fans need to do is pre-order the record, reports TMZ.com.

However, the sneakers are not the main attraction. In order to sweeten up the deal, Federline¡¯s camp has thrown in the added attraction of a trip for two to Los Angeles for 2 nights to attend the rapper’s Hollywood album release party, that will be hosted by wife Britney Spears.

The couple, at the moment, are busy with their family having welcomed their second son into the world on Sept 12, just two days before their elder son Sean Preston celebrated his first birthday.

The “Baby One More Time” singer, Britney Spears, has reportedly chosen the name Sutton Pierce Federline for the new tot, because she wants him to have the same initials as his elder brother Sean Preston Federline.

I might buy the CD and try to win the shoes just so I can use them to create a K-Fed effigy to burn in hopes that it would, at the very least, give him really killer heartburn. And Britney really should check who switched her fertility drugs with solid opium, because only seriously nodded out people think that having two children with exactly the same initials is somehow, um, “cute.”